Clients often fall into two categories: those who want their children and loved ones involved in their estate plan and those who simply do not. When asked which is better, my answer is often “it really depends on your family dynamics and circumstances.” I typically believe that as people age, greater communication and understanding of the situation by my clients’ family and children is helpful in the event of an emergency or upon one’s passing. However, learning of a windfall inheritance, for example, can do “funny” things to people. In rare circumstances you will hear stories of elder financial abuse being committed by “trusted” family members.

If you are planning to discuss your estate plan with your children and/or loved ones, here are a few tips I can share:

Communication helps set expectations
One of the biggest challenges in estate planning is that each generation has different values, investment priorities and expectations as to who should be involved in the safeguarding and distribution of assets after a parent or loved one passes away. It is important for you to communicate your goals and wishes to your children and loved ones who will be handling your affairs in the event of your incapacity or death.

For example, if you have four children and are only choosing two to act as Co-Executors, it may be helpful to explain why you are choosing those children: perhaps they are geographically located near you, or perhaps you are appointing your executors in age order or based on their knowledge of financial matters. Similarly, setting expectations for how you would or would not want your money spent in the event of incapacity can be extremely helpful to your appointed agents and successor trustees so they can ensure your wishes are followed. The same can be said for medical decision making and communicating your medical wishes, conditions, medications and doctor information to your agent named in your health care proxy.